Someone Invented a Butt Wiping Machine, But at What Cost?

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Sometimes when you’re nestled atop the porcelain throne and it’s warm and comfortable, it just takes all the effort you’ve got to rip off a couple squares of toilet paper and finish up the task at hand. Now imagine if you could just flip a switch and a robot could take care of the dirty work for you? Well it’s nice to know other folks in this world share our dreams and aspirations and have the wherewithal to see them through, because maker-extraordinaire and YouTube personality Simone Giertz has unveiled her newest and most profound automated creation yet: a butt-wiping machine.

Not only will this machine get you as spotless as Mr. Clean’s gleaming bald head, but it will do it in record time. The wiper is essentially a power drill with a roll of toilet paper stuck on the drill bit. Fastened to the bottom of an upright toilet lid and controlled by a little arduino nano breadboard, the drill and TP roll swings down into place like a quarterback’s hands under center and spins away for glory.

In all seriousness, this automation could be devastating on a real live human being. At the beginning of her video, Giertz quips “Do you understand that I can’t use my own butt for this?” A plastic squatting mannequin gets the honors.

Safety hazard aside, however, this machine is a breakthrough when it comes to realizing our lazier, happier days of the future. And as Giertz points out, it might actually be just what the world needs right now, “because a lot of people are full of shit, and maybe they just need help wiping their…buttocks better.”

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